Talk About Sex​

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In the Indian culture talking about SEX is a taboo. I never saw my parents affectionate with each other, yet they ended up having four children. My family is very conventional, and it was shameful and rude to talk about it. These things are spoken and done behind closed doors, between a couple married to each other. Most Asian cultures do not talk about sex and if heard talking about it the society perceives it as shameful. And in some cases, you can end up getting fined or some form of punishment.

In Primary school we had religious education and followed Chirstian Religion Education (C.R.E), until other faiths were introduced in the educational curriculum. Therefore, branching out to H.R.E (Hindu). While we were transitioning from C.R.E to H.R.E, our Christian friends were learning about the male and female bodies, and none of them were supposed to share the knowledge with those outside of the C.R.E curriculum. Again, I was sheltered from the word sex.

The word sex entered my consciousness for the first time at the age of 13, listening to the song “Let’s Talk About Sex” by Salt-N-Pepa. In the 1990s our version of google was dictionaries and encyclopedias.

Dictionary Version

noun

(chiefly with reference to people) sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.

"they enjoyed talking about sex"

2. either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and most other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive functions.

"adults of both sexes"

I am sure most of us would have done this, looked up the words’ sexual intercourse, sexual, intercourse, to have a better understanding of what sex was. Opening a whole can of worms and looking up all the words you had never heard of like erection, penis, ejaculation, semen, vagina, orgasm. Once I had the basic knowledge it no longer bothered me to have a further understanding of it.

However, in teenage years when the hormones are soaring you fantasize about romance, I read a few high school romance novels. But there is so much one can read about kissing, and you get it how it is done, but never experience it. And then one day someone brought a better version of a romance novel, published by Mills & Boons, “soft core pornography” as Mrs. Kavita, our high school English teacher put it. The authors of these books romanticised sex, it was called love making. Reading books and letting your imagination run wild raised the bar and there was a thin line between the real world and the world of fantasy.

Porn videos were also talked about, its meant to turn you on and get you going, again if you ever watched one, you were looked at with disgust, and it was entirely shameful. But my curious mind wanted to experience it, and at 23 I watched my first ever porn video and I must say it did nothing to my libido, it was a huge disappointment, purely because it looked all unrealistic and an act, or still subconsciously it was still shameful.

Reality is a whole different ball game, and when you and your partner are not on the same page then sex becomes a chore, unsatisfactory, unenjoyable. When both partners do not understand their bodies and their pleasure spots due to ingrained factors like growing up in a conventional family, sex being shameful and the body image, you got to look in a certain way to be more attractive.

In the present day many women feel uncomfortable and insecure about the way that they look and be a certain body type to fit in and then can only the act of having sex with their partners or spouse be enjoyable. Many confessed to not looking good naked so they just do not bother with sex.

Talking to a few women in my circle, where we have open discussions about sex, the yoni, orgasms, the various acts of sex, tantric sex, Kamasutra sex, BDSM among others. I met some confident women who embraced their sexuality and sensual selves. It got me thinking, why should we not talk about sex? Its existence has been dated back to the ancient times, making love was a crucial part to create dynasties.

More and more women are beginning to understand their bodies, to learn more about the sexual pleasures they wish to experience with their partners, they want to experience the sensations that orgasms create. Not only does sex give you pleasure it is also good for health and wellbeing, it produces the happy hormones; endorphins and oxytocin creating feelings of intimacy and relaxation warding off depression and anxiety. Make love and love only.

                                                                                                         By Kiran Kaur

August  2022

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